Clarisse: That was her name…

This video was made at a completely paradoxical time: hired since February to carry out this bilingual celebration On the last day of August, I ended up participating in "Yellow September," focusing on love and joy, while inside... I was completely broken, processing the news that, just two days before that August 31st, the world had lost Clarisse.

In the video below, recorded in the heat of this grief, I mention something that still hurts today: I had promised to travel across the country to celebrate her wedding. The script I wrote for Karina and Ryan was, in secret, a rehearsal for a goodbye I didn't want to say.”

The Paradox of a Celebrant in Grief

Without a doubt, this was one of the most difficult jobs of my entire life, and I have never, ever needed to be so professional: with my heart grieving the death of a friend whose greatest dream in life was precisely to get married and raise a child. romantic script And then to perform it in front of an international audience... that was a huge challenge.

I finished the celebration exhausted, feeling like I had made a great physical effort and experiencing unparalleled emotional ambiguity, because while I felt proud of myself for having performed perfectly, I also felt such sadness that I preferred to sit on a bench outside where the party was taking place.

I found myself observing the people: the joy of the guests, the effort of the workers… and trying to think of something I could do to honor the friend whose wedding I had promised to officiate, whenever and wherever it might be!
Suddenly, I paid attention to the filming and noticed an image stabilizer that impressed me and, of course, I immediately started improvising a script that would be a tribute, but one that would also be relevant to the context of depression.

CONTEXT

Before anyone thinks anything silly, I am a Christian and have been practicing a rather "out-of-the-box" faith since 2005.
During this time I have been able to experience many forms of study and fellowship, meet many good people – and many terrible people as well. People so sordid that, through gossip, they destroyed a group where we supported each other through virtual conversation and Bible studies, in Brazil and around the world, in the face of challenges and problems.

Clarisse was kind of like my "daughter"... I always tried to support her from a distance, especially because her illness, depression, was something I managed to overcome.

YELLOW SEPTEMBER: THE IMPORTANCE OF SPEAKING OUT

I don't intend to write such a long text and will only present two more images, both of which I took after her passing: one, sent by a mutual friend, which proves the nobility of the feeling that united us, and another, which revealed things about her that I had never considered before.

WHEN I SAW THE CAMERAMAN…

The whole concept for the video came to me, and I had to "round it off" by adding subtitles that complement what I can't effectively say: I'm just speaking from memory, without even having written a script... it's a desperate attempt to honor a friend who passed away and, above all, a tribute to life, as I try to present a path of help to all those who are going through similar difficulties, not only during "Yellow September" (Suicide Prevention Month in Brazil), but at any time.

That image stabilizer I saw with the cameraman taught me: being professional means keeping the lens steady, even when your heart is breaking. If today I am 'The Greatest Celebrant', it's because I learned to value each 'yes' as if it were the last—because, for Clarisse, it never came.

Finally, despite all the weddings I had officiated up to that point, this was a "watershed" moment where, after successfully overcoming it, I was certain that I am more than qualified to act as an officiant for any marriage.
Only then did I decide to create one. Instagram and a professional page And I take this opportunity to invite you to follow and like my posts… who knows, maybe I could be the officiant at your wedding?